Weight Loss

Why is losing weight so damn hard??? And why is it that when I go to the gym to work my fat ass out there's a bunch of in shape, unhappy, looking people, working out and dripping of sweat... Is something wrong with me??? :-) I got on the scale the other day and saw such an ugly number. I sat there wondering and wondering, how the hell did I get back up here? I looked up and BAM, everyone on the elliptical was looking at my reaction, embarrassed to say the least.

So I hired a Personal Trainer Al. He's cool and he's really working my fat ass out but I'm so damn impatient. Anyone with extra pounds to lose can relate that it's hard to be a gym rat. You start looking at other people around you and start imagining your head on that body (Don't lie, you do it too). Al says he can have me at my immediate goal, under 200 lbs, by my high school reunion in June. That's literally a little under 3 months. I'm working out 7 days a week, even though I lack motivation some days and count me walking across campus from my car to class and back, my daily exercise. Like I explained to Al, I think the biggest challenge for me is remaining motivated and my diet.

It was suggested to me that I start myself off with a cleanse, this way my body will naturally eliminate the craving for bad foods and blah blah blah. I won't lie, I've started it and started it and started it and started it. Everyday is Day 1 for me. Either I'll pass a Chick-Fil-A or some one of the kids snacks will be calling my name and I'll just shrug it off and say that I'll just work out and do things the right way. I think that mentality is what got me to that nasty number.

So tomorrow is Day 1 again for my cleanse. Gas is nearly $4, I'm officially on Spring Break as of today, and I have no reason to move my car, only to go to the gym. So I think I can do it. My friend Gil, who always seems to master every task she sets out to do (everyone has one of those girlfriends) is doing Dr. Ian Smith's all fruit and veggie something or other and she's gone meatless all week. She says it's mind over matter but my mind is saying that food in mouth is what matters.

I figure if I put my "skinny me" jeans on my door then I would be reminded of what I'm trying to do. I need some type of motivation. People claim its 10 days to a new you, 10 days to a new outlook, 10 days to restart your life and walking into a healthier you. Can I do it??? I just hope so at this point because I'm tired of this tire I'm lugging around my waist, it's getting exhausting. Plus the added bonus that I take classes with early 20 something year olds with there "Not-affected-by-fast-food" bodies... Makes me sick! LOL....

Well as my daughter shoves pretzels in my mouth, I'm preparing myself for Day 1 again and my morning date with Al. Yesterday he was on some type of steroid. He failed his class and decided to go to the gym and work out his frustrations, which included me. All I know is I got a text saying I needed to be in the gym @6 and it was 5:59. But he worked everything out of me for 2 hours. Call me crazy but I can't get enough of it. When I work out alone, I feel like nothing was accomplished and I should go back and try again. But when I work out with him, or in one of those group classes I feel like I lost 10 lbs. Of course my pants didn't get that 10lb memo.

Well wish me luck! I promise to write more. Especially with this whole working out thing. By June I want to lose 20 lbs, by the end of the Summer 50, and the ultimate goal isn't really a weight thing but more so I want to go from a size 16 pant to a size 8 pant. I want my stomach to not say hi when I;m wearing jeans, and I want to look all together when I'm not wearing a girdle. For all those working out as well and trying to get to One-derland (under 200lbs) good luck, you're not alone, and even I just want to lay in the bed and eat Chocolate Chip cookie dough Ice cream. And hey, if this lazy girl could do it, so can you.....

Live, Love, Laugh, Learn


Mood: Anxious
Color: NY Giants Blue
Song: Kelly Clarkson "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)"

Where are all the thick chicks?

So what happened to all the "proud to be thick" and "regular girls are over a size 10" advocates. It seems like everyone is jumping on the thin train... They're saying they're getting healthy but I know the truth just like they do; They went to the Gap and only saw size 8 and S/M, and realized they needed to lose a few, just like the rest of us. It is what it is. I recently went to Vegas and went crazy, working out 5 days a week just to reach a size 14. I was pissed. I mean I had just went from 247lbs to 219lbs but I figured now that I'm actually doing something the weight doesn't want to budge. I thought I looked great in Vegas but when I came home and put on some size 14 stretch jeans and they were struggling to button up, I too said to hell with this, I need to something about this. But then me and my bf went to Brooklyn for the weekend and I started eating and "embrassed" my curves and thickness, and he thought I was sexy as ever.

So I turned my tv on and opened up a magazine. I saw Perez Hilton, Raven Symone, Jordin Sparks and even Mo'Nique and they were all not on my train anymore. I mean damn if they're "getting healthy" maybe I need to as well. And honestly since I came back from vaca, I'm feeling kind of heavy. I maintained a good chunk of my weight loss (that's going off of my clothes not a scale) but I'm starting to feel heavy. When I was working out for Vegas I could feel a difference, I felt lighter. So now I'm like "C, u gotta get it together". I still work out but I've been lacking my zest. So to jump start I decided I'm going to do the maser cleanse

Now I know that's the cheat way, and the do it quick way, but I'm not solely doing it to lose weight. My main reason is to help myself start and maintain healthy eating habits. I have been eating some crap and I wanna get back on track, but on a permanent basis. I started today and I'm not hungry, just greedy. I'm trying to stay focused and busy because I feel like this is going to be a long 10 days. I googled some before and after pics and it seems like people really shed weight and the feelings people describe post cleanse seem really satisfying, I want one too Mommy! LOL..... I think the hardest part for me is getting dinner ready for the kids, also the semester recently ended and I'm waiting for summer to start, so It's like I'm home and I'm waiting, just waiting with nothing to do. I feel like this would of been easier when I'm in school because, then, I don't even have enough hours in a day. But I'm doing it and I hope to stay focused.

I have, what I know alot of females have, a book with magazine clippings, kinda my wish list. But I have some summer outfits and recipes that I'm dying to try. Most are healthy recipes that provide some options to unhealthy and greasy foods. So looking through my book helps me keep my eye on the prize.

P.S. Leave comments, questions, and I will try my best to answer. Also relationship questions are my favorite. As my friends call with their "problems" I'll post it and my reply...